I just want to go on record as saying this Thursday Night football thing for the whole season is solid. I cannot imagine what took the NFL so long to figure this out. You’ve got the most-demanded product in sports, so why not put it on more often? Hell, I can’t wait until they figure out how to make it span an entire weekend. Remember that cheesy-ass song from The Last Boy Scout…come on, you know it: “Friday Night’s a Great Night for Football!” Hey, Friday night is a great night for football! Of course, we have to keep our fingers crossed that players don’t pull out a heater and start gunning opponents down before laying waste to themselves, but in the end it may be a small price to pay to watch the NFL all weekend long. And away with the picks! Home team in caps.
Last Week: 7-7 Ah, how milquetoast of me.
Steelers 26 TITANS 17: The Steelers can thank Vick7’s gifted hands for last week’s win. Luckily, this week’s opponent is even more inept. Chris Johnson is a bum. That is all.
DOLPHINS 17 Rams 10: Oh those pesky Dolphins, always shitting themselves when you think they should win, then juxtaposing that with gutsy performances on the road in Cincy. I fully expect the Rams to crush them, so that must mean the Fins will gut this one out, yes?
RAVENS 27 Cowboys 17: A week off will have Romo and the rest of the schlubs in Big D feeling good. Just in time for the Ravens to lay a beating on them and send the season into a dangerous tailspin.
Bengals 21 BROWNS 20: The battle for Ohio! AKA the game that God forgot.
EAGLES 28 Lions 24: Every week I’ve waited for the Eagles “potent” offense to emerge, and every week Vick7 manages to bungle that shit in the most malicious way possible. Well this weekend it stops!
BUCCANEERS 20 Chiefs 13: If the Bucs have any hope of doubling their win total, this is their best chance to do it in the next month: the Saints are in town next, then road trips to Minnesota and Oakland. Man, up, Bucs. The two win-plateau is within your reach!
JETS 21 Colts 16: Sanchize is playing for his job at this point, but the irony is there is no person capable of replacing him in New York. Let me be clear: Tim Tebow SUCKS A BAG OF DICKS as an NFL quarterback. He has no business playing the position (save for the wildcat). Anyone who thinks otherwise should have their head examined or put down the Jesus Juice. Still, Sanchize needs to have a good game here to shut up the critics.
FALCONS 35 Raiders 13: Coming across the country to play an undfeated Falcons team doesn’t bode well for Oakland. They are going to get decimated in this one.
CARDINALS 32 Bills 10: I’m giving the Bills credit for two scores in this game, which seems like quite a stretch after last week’s performance. This plane ride back to Orchard Park will suck just as much.
Patriots 22 SEAHAWKS 17: Despite the fact that the Pats are going very far from home, I have to think that the massive amount of shit karma coming to Seattle will finally pay off. Figure it’s as good a game as any for them to start anteing up for that Green Bay win.
49ERS 27 Giants 19: Too far to go, too inconsistent and the Niners definitley have Championship Game payback on their mind. Obviously, beating a team in a regular season matchup doesn’t have the same luster, but it’s a start.
Vikings 26 REDSKINS 20: RG3 probably shouldn’t play but he will. It won’t matter, because the real story is how the Redskins can’t tackle and the Vikes have a bunch of guys that will make their “defense” look silly.
Sunday Night Football: TEXANS 35 Packers 23: The Packers are not a good football team. Jermichael Finley can’t catch. They can’t run AT ALL. Their defense seems to be completely reliant on HGH Matthew’s ability to rush the passer and little else. The Texans, on the other hand, are a good team. They are going to beat the shit out of Green Bay.
Monday Night Football: CHARGERS 28 Broncos 21: I loved how the Chargers managed to make the Saints look as though they had a passable defense. What gives? The Chargers are the same team they’ve always been under Norv Turner: wildly inconsistant underachievers. How many tries before they realize they just need to can the guy?